Morning Sickness?

Man, I really thought I was getting over the hump of this "morning sickness" thing. Which for me has pretty much been all day nausea, dry-heaving type of gagging all the time and this constant yucky "warm" churny feeling in my tummy until I basically force myself to eat something. For whatever reason, mine has been way worse at night. I am thinking it is probably because I am not eating a whole lot during the day, so by the time dinner time rolls around, my stomach is pretty empty. Ironically, the emptier my stomach gets, the worse the nausea gets. Its a vicious cycle really.

All that aside, the past couple days or so, I thought I was feeling a little better. I even had...dare I say it?...an appetite for the first time in weeks. Last night I had a wicked craving for cheese enchiladas which of course are impossible to find at 11:00 pm on a Thursday. Unless of course you venture out to a Mexican restaurant. Josh just raised his eyebrows at me like, "I don't think so woman!" I was excited that something finally sounded appealing to me besides mashed potatoes and blue kool aid.

And then...I woke up this morning. Let me just say, the "morning sickness" is back with full force today. Ugh. Brushing my teeth has become an exercise in self control. As in, do not puke. The second the toothbrush hits my mouth its just like instant "I'm-gonna-vomit" feeling complete with gagging. Awesome. Don't you worry though, I fight through it! The thing is, after that happens first thing in the morning it is kind of all down hill from there. Right now, as is usual lately, I cannot bring myself to want to eat anything. Sadly I know that will only make matters worse.

I'm off to go choke down a granola bar or something....oh and morning sickness? You can go away now!!

8 Week Bump/Update

I really *Really* did not want to take a picture of myself this week. As cute and petite as I looked last week with just a little hard knot down low for a baby bump, I feel like I look like a whale this week.

I am Bloated, man! It is ri-flipping-diculous. It could have something to do with the only things that don't make me wanna gag are plain, simple carbs. Totally healthy right there. I have a feeling I might be close to another birthing/bathroom experience soon (uhm, ew. )

So here I am in all my puffy glory. You can still see the little knot of a baby bump. This time, we know for sure that little "Peanut" as Josh likes to call it is in there.

I'm just now seeing how awkward this picture is. It looks like I don't have an arm, but rather a stump. And you can tell by the way my back is freakishly arched forward that I have some bloat going on in the front. Its the only remotely comfy way to stand lately. *sigh*

In other news, I decided I am gonna wear that same outfit for all my weekly pics just for some continuity. Now if only I could remember which direction to stand in while taking the picture. Oh, and I'm pretty sure until I get a professional to take some maternity pics, I will continue chopping off my own head. Because no one wants to see that anyway. Usually when I take these pics, I have just gotten off my butt to get ready for work and thus, have no makeup on. And I'm not about to put makeup on to take a picture of my belly. Ahem.

As far as updates for this week:

I am still tired...all the time. But I have notice a little boost in my energy in the afternoons which is good because that is when I am at work. The second I get home though, I am so ready for bed.

I have been having more food aversions than cravings. My most recent aversion which made everyone laugh was the thought of chicken noodle soup making me gag. Way back in elementary school, my teacher had a rabbit and I swear to you the smell of its cage (I don't know if it was the rabbit's pee or what) smelled just like chicken noodle soup. *vomit*

I also woke up this morning and could SMELL the laundry in our washing machine that has been sitting there damp for a couple days. EW!

Today I had my first case of what I would assume to be pregnancy brain. It was honestly a little scary. I just could not focus. On anything! People were talking to me and it was just in one ear and out the other. Wow. Let's hope I don't have many more of those days.

I also had my very first CRAZY pregnant dream last night. I won't go into all the details because it was oddly steamy at first but then it got scary and I started bleeding (in the dream). Let's just say I woke in a bit of a panic.

I have been soooooo thirsty. I just drink and drink all day and really, that does not help with the I-have-to-pee-every-5-seconds thing I also have going on.

As far as what few cravings I have had:
*Green olives. Honestly, I could eat an entire jar if Josh was not battling me for them.
* Instant cheesy mashed potatoes. They are warm and bland and salty and just what I need for the constant nausea.
*Chocolate milk. I haven't consumed any yet as milk and me do NOT get along but I want it. Bad.
*Tuna sandwiches. My ob-gyn told me no tuna at all which most of the time they say canned tuna is okay in moderation, but here's another craving I won't get to quench. It's probably for the best.

Surprisingly with all these carbs, I have lost another 2 pounds.That puts me down 4 overall. They say you should gain 3-5 in the first trimester. With 4 weeks left, I now am thinking that might now happen. I am pretty okay with that though because I could have/ should have lost about 15 pounds before getting pregnant anyway. Oops!

The Real 8 Weeks

Since our due date set back last week, I have felt a little bummed that I had to "re-do" weeks 7 and 8. I know that is a little ridiculous because I never did them in the first place, technically.

Alas, today I have legitimately made the 8 week marker and I will say that things are just starting to feel more and more real. We already have our 10 week ultrasound scheduled to hear the baby's heartbeat. This morning, I got a call from a geneticists office that my Ob-gyn recommended and made an appointment to do the first trimester screen with them.

Although I am very against amniocentesis and CVS screenings because of the potential risk they serve to me and the baby, I figured this first screening was something that might be nice to have done. That way, at least we have a better idea of what is going on in there. The sweet receptionist told me all about the procedure and what would take place. Basically, its the most non-invasive screen you can imagine. They will do a genetic ultrasound where they will measure the nuchal fold at the back of the baby's neck. Apparently, this can give us some clue as to the possibility of down syndrome and other issues that might arise. Then all I have to do is a finger poke to give some blood that they will screen for a specific hormone that can point towards Trisomy 18, 21 and other genetic issues.

I do not believe that I would do anything differently with the pregnancy if we found out we even had a 100% chance of a genetic disorder. I know it is something you never want to happen to you, but honestly that is our baby in there. And we will love that baby no matter what. It is kind of surreal thinking of these huge life changing things this early in pregnancy, but I am so thankful that we have the technology available to give us some peace of mind.

This test is apparently 91% accurate in detecting the markers of down syndrome. Although Josh and I have literally no cause for concern as neither of our families have genetic disorders within them I still feel like it will be good to know. In addition, it is another excuse to see our little peanut in there.

I feel very blessed that we are getting to see the baby as much as we are:
7 weeks
10 weeks for the heartbeat ultrasound
12 weeks for the first trimester screening
20 weeks for the determination of gender.

That's all I know about so far. As far as everything else, I feel even more at peace with this pregnancy now. I have seen my little miracle inside of me. I have seen the flicker of a tiny, miraculous heartbeat. I know without a doubt that my body was made to nurture and grow this little bean into a perfect baby.

REWIND!

I just got back from our first amazing pre-natal appointment. I am seeing a new obgyn and she is just awesome. My 1/2 hour appointment became almost an hour and 15 minutes because she was just talking to me and telling me everything I needed to know.

Because of my early loss back in late July/early August there was some confusion as to when I actually conceived. She told me I could either be way farther along than I thought or not as far. She did a pelvic exam and told me my uterus did not feel as progressed as 9 weeks (which is what I assumed based on my first day of bleeding in August.) She decided to do the transvaginal u/s just to try to date the pregnancy more accurately.

Josh was standing right there next to her when she first found the baby. She explained all the different parts and what we were seeing which was SO cool! Then we saw the most amazing thing I have ever experienced in my life: a tiny fluttering heartbeat. Josh and I just locked eyes and he had the biggest smile on his face. I had tears in my eyes and it was honestly magic. While I was laying down, the picture was actually kind of fuzzy, but I sat up to see the ultrasound screen better and she was able to show us (and capture!) a pretty detailed little picture. We could see the shape of a head and little arm and leg stumps, and the head to rump measurement put me around 7 weeks 3 days.

So...REWIND! I thought I was 9 weeks, but I just went back in time almost 2 weeks. She told me not to worry, as my LMP was strange I probably just conceived later than I thought but that everything looked perfect. I got my first positive pregnancy test on September 6, 2011 and that would mean I was 8 days past conception. So once again, I know my body. I was barely 3 weeks pregnant when I took that test. I have another appointment at 10 weeks (so October 27th) to hear the heartbeat. I am feeling so calm and blessed right now.

Ever since the appointment, I have been referring to the baby as "he." I don't know why, it just feels right. I'm sure if it is a girl she will one day be mortified that we called her a he for awhile there. :) Here is our PERFECT little miracle of a jellybean:

Ouch and Eww

I was just woken up out of a deep sleep by what I thought for a second were contractions. I am fully aware that I am only 9 weeks pregnant, but in my bleary eyed confusion, that is the first thing that came to my mind. My entire abdomen was clenching up in extreme pain and waves of nausea were coursing through me like mad. It was about this time that I remembered, I had not had a normal BM in about a week!

I got out of bed and tried to quietly make my way to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror at myself, I was horrified. My reflection resembled a crazy person literally. My hair was doing that cute, I-went-to-bed-with-damp-hair craziness, my face was pale as a ghost from the pain and my belly was so distended I honestly looked 7 months pregnant. Apparently, my body decided that 3:00am was a swell  time to get things moving right along.

An hour later (and 4 trips to the bathroom, 2 tums and a glass of ice water) I think I am finally in the clear. It was honestly touch and go for a minute there. I have never in my life felt such horrible gas pains. Each new wave of pain would make me double over and almost gag. I was afraid I was going to have one of those sitting on the toilet while puking in the trash can moments. Thank God, I didn't. It is so funny though because I really had to like breathe my way through it. And afterwards, I felt like I accomplished the first milestone of pregnancy. It felt awful, painful, disgusting and totally gross but I did it.

I feel *so* much better right now than I have in days. The horrific bloating is already decreasing and I can just feel how my abdomen is not as swollen and painful to the touch. I am still awake because I have been dreading going back to bed and being woken in an hour with another bout. It's been about an hour without any ahem, movement though so I think I need to turn off my brain and go lay down.

In about 6 hours, I have my first pre-natal appointment and I am honestly feeling a million things. Including shock that I was even able to get to sleep before the incident. I am ready to find out the fate of me and this baby. And wanting, more than anything in this world, for everything to turn out perfectly okay.

Moody Judy (8 Weeks)

Phew. I am a piece of work lately. I can feel myself doing it: being an absolute be-yotch for no reason. And being irritated is irritating. Hello, pregnancy hormones!!!

I just now realized I am 8 weeks and 5 days and have not posted a weekly update yet. Well, that would simply be because I am just...so...over everything right now. Maybe it was the crazy, stressful dramatic weekend we had. Maybe I am upset because we don't get to celebrate our one year anniversary until next week. Maybe its this stupid cold that crept up on and is now kicking my butt. All I can say is, I am just a flipping ray of sunshine right now.

Currently topping my list of things that are sending me over the edge:

*Josh putting his feet on mine. Whether we're in bed or just watching TV on the couch. Whether we both have socks on or just him or whatever. Something about it is currently pushing my every last button. Crazy!

*Working in customer service. People are always rude. This is nothing new to me. What is new is this brazen attitude I have recently developed that makes me want to wave in people's faces and say, "hey....yes, you there. Hang up your damn cell phone or I will not assist you!"

*My apartment being a complete and utter disaster area. I have neither the time nor the energy to clean it and I just keep letting it get worse and worse.

*Peeing every 2.5 minutes. Seriously. I am so sick of unzipping pants, sitting on the toilet, wiping and then repeating. Who knew such a common everyday thing could be so irritating?

Apart from the MAYJAH switch in my mood lately, I have also been having a slew of other new symptoms which actually have been more of an ego boost that everything is going as it should. These include:

*Headaches. All the damn time. Mostly around my eyes but sometimes a bad tension headache in my neck.

*A fun little pinchy, spasm-y back pain right above my left butt cheek. When I turn a certain way or sit too long and move I actually gasp because its such a random sharp pain.

*Night nausea. I don't know what dinner is anymore. I have been eating instant mashed potatoes like a mad woman in an attempt to not vomit every night. And I still get that creepy gaggy feeling in the back of my throat all day long.

*Random tugs and cramps in my abdomen. Not painful by any means but definitely noticeable. And they definitely feel like very mild menstrual cramps. I am assuming this is the uterine stretching I have been reading about.

*BLOAT baby. Where I could see a definite hard knot in my tummy last week, this week all I see is a bunch of bloated yuckiness. I cannot even suck it in anymore. And my hipbones? I miss them. :(

One Year

A year ago today, I was walking down the aisle into the arms of the best man I have ever known. It astounds me how quickly this year has flown by: as they say, "time flies when you're having fun."

Our relationship is truly a work of magic. There is literally nothing I would change about the man he is or the love that we have. I like to tell people, we are not perfect but we're real. And we are. We really live our lives in a simple way. We really are not glamorous, rich or put on a pedestal. We really work hard for a small apartment and two cars. We really come home at the end of the day sweaty and tired and completely relieved to be in one another's arms again. We really laugh at little things all day every day. We really have our own unspoken language and bond with each other that no one can decipher or understand. We really know when to talk and when to stay silent. And we really know how to love with passion, with wholehearted energy and complete bliss.

A year ago today, I did not picture this one year anniversary unfolding as it has tonight. We had a wild and crazy adventure yesterday which led to my sweet husband being on strict rest this weekend. So here we sit, watching a movie, eating soft foods and drinking gatorade and yet, it is still the most perfect night I could imagine. It symbolizes us. We hit snags but we move on in our own comfortable way. And everything turns out just fine because we are together.

As far what happened last night? My husband got knocked for a loop playing beer league softball with all of his buddies. I was on my way to the field (late, of course!) when I began getting calls from one of the other team wives. When I answered, she gave me the scary news that Josh had been hit in the head with a softball. As someone who is intrigued by medical shows and symptoms, I knew right away that what we were dealing with was potentially dangerous. I flew the rest of the way there and when I pulled into the parking lot, I was greeted with a slew of ambulances and firetrucks. All for my baby, my life, my reason for living. My heart dropped into my toes and I ran all the way until I saw him.

When I got there, he was surrounded by a group of EMTs and firefighters. I announced that I was his wife and they let me go sit by him. He was having trouble breathing, was very lethargic and unsteady and was bleeding from his nose. He also had an extremely big dent in his forehead between his eyes. Although I originally wanted to drive him to the hospital myself, I was talked down by a nice firefighter who told me he would get seen by a doctor a lot faster if he was taken by ambulance. So I kissed my everything as lightly as I could on the forehead and I promised him I would see him there. I got in my car before they even had him loaded into the ambulance and I sped away, toward a hospital I hoped could take perfect care of him. I actually arrived about 10 minutes before the ambulance. I had called Josh's dad on the way and he met me at the hospital.

After a very scary 6 hours in the Emergency Room, we got his CT scan results back and were told he fractured his ancillary sinus, or the cavernous sinus area right in between his eyebrows. This fracture had caused the bleeding nose and all his other symptoms. He was also diagnosed with a mild concussion. By some act of God, he only fractured the front part of the skull, not the bone closer to the brain. There was virtually no brain bleeding, swelling or damage. I cannot tell you how those words coursed through my veins. He was okay. He had a big lump on his head and some killer black eyes in the works, but my better half was going to be okay. We have to go in for a follow up appointment on Monday to make sure he does not need any surgery or have any lasting complications due to the injury.

But for now, here we sit, a year after the happiest day of our lives and we are enjoying just as happy of a day. We may not be dolled up in wedding clothes. We may not be toasting to love and laughter with champagne. We are in our coziest pajamas, sipping on gatorade to counteract the nausea from his concussion, we ate instant mashed potatoes for dinner because they were warm and soft. To me though, this could not be upstaged by even the fanciest dinner or most beautiful wedding. I have more days to live with my husband by my side and a new perspective on just how precious our time together really is.