Forty Weeks 2.0

We made it! Forty weeks. Totally full term pregnancy.  I honestly never thought I'd see the day that happened. In a weird way I am proud of my body for hanging in there and doing exactly what it is supposed to do. But now I am also going absolutely just insane wondering when this baby will be born. After several weeks of false labor and labor that starts but then fizzles out I am definitely feeling frustrated and like he will never act be born. Any time I feel a contraction, I try not to get my hopes up Bc the disappointment is so acute each time it turns out to be nothing.

Every night that I start having cramps or contractions, I feel so emotional and make sure and spend extra time holding, nursing and cuddling sam, crying about how it is the last time and just wearing myself out mentally and emotionally...and then I wake up the next morning still pregnant. I am so over this cycle . I just WANT to go hard into labor so there is no doubt. I want to meet my baby. I want to stop waiting and get on with our lives. Ugh.

I got a new phone so I lost my weekly checklist. But let's just say I have nothing new going on. My whole vag area is sore and achy from baby's head being engaged so far down. I'm dilated 2cm as of Thursday.  I'm not too uncomfortable. Just impatient and frustrated. I'm craving root beer like no other!  I think I definitely have a front runner for a name I love if little dude ever comes out. Josh and I both have been obsessive about having a clean and stocked house...we're prepared this time...and of course baby had no intentions of getting here early. No new stretch marks. I've gained 22 lbs. Hopefully this is the last weekly post I'll be making!

Thirty Nine Weeks 2.0

Thirty.nine.weeks!

One week til baby boy is due and no real signs that he will be out before then! The waiting game is frustrating and surreal but I actually feel fine!

I had a very awkward heart ultrasound done last week to make sure my heart was okay for labor. Everything looked fine and so whatever has been going on with my heart is officially pregnancy related and SHOULD go away after delivery. Great news! I m now free to deliver however I choose.

The most common comment I've been getting lately is how small I am. Or how there's no way I'm 9 months pregnant bc I don't seem to be uncomfortable yet. It really is weird. I felt awful and miserable with Sam. With this one, I feel great! The only bad part has been not knowing if baby is head down. Sometimes he definitely is, sometimes not. And he seemed to be dropped last week when I had lots of contractions but this week he seems high again and I've only had sporadic pain. Strange!

Symptoms: heartburn at night. Lots of hot flashes and nausea again but I've learned to live with it. Much more energy actually! I'm definitely still more easily annoyed though :p
Weight: up 22 lbs. Not too shabby!
Sleep: meh, not great but I haven't slept well in years.
Food Cravings: rice chex! That's all I want. Sam likes to share. :)
Best Moment this week: hearing that I look great is always nice and I'm SO relieved my heart is not broken.
Movement: so much less often but much more violent and painful when it DOES happen! Sometimes I have to pause and think, "hmm when did I last feel baby?"
Labor signs: just lotttttts of yucky discharge, a throbbing and achy pain down low and some random period like cramps. Nothing timeable this week. Now we just wait for little man to decide to join us! I actually can't wait to meet him. Its been a difficult pregnancy up til the very end and I just want him HERE so we can get back to life without always waiting for something to happen.

I feel like my belly looks so different depending on clothes, time of day, etc...so here's a clothed pic and a naked belly pic.

Thirty Eight Weeks 2.0

Well, here's a post I never knew if I would be making! I actually feel pretty great pregnancy wise. Emotionally, I am irritable as hell this week. It feels like PMS on steroids! Sadly a large part of that comes from always feeling like I do everything for Sam all the time. Normally I love the close, attached relationship we have but this week I've been more like, "ahhh stop touching me/whining at me/ clinging to Meeeee!!!!"

I feel terrible about it but it must just be bc I am so pregnant that some personal space would be appreciated. Too bad toddlers (especially boys who.love their mommas ) don't really understand that.

Truthfully, I don't feel nearly as uncomfortable as I did at the end with Sam. It must be the fact that I am.not hefting around the 50 extra lbs I was with him (30 me, the rest baby weight). I guess my biggest complaint is the not knowing! I hate surprises and it's freaking this control freak out not knowing exactly when this baby will arrive. This goes along with my irritability of feeling like a mostly single parent, but I have a small confession to make. I kind of cannot wait to go have this baby bc I will be sending josh home to Sam afterwards. And in some way I feel like it will be a small vacation for me. Sure, I'll have a newborn but I'll also have some peace and quiet and alone time. I'm almost dying for it. Selfishly, I also cannot WAIT for josh to actually have to deal with Sam for more than an hour at a time. Maybe afterwards, I won't be taken for granted as much.

Bah. See? Told you. Irritable as hell.

Symptoms: besides being cranky as all hell, I've mostly just been hot. A little woozy sometimes. I can't sleep at all bc I can never seem to get comfortable
Weight: hovering right around 21 lbs. Can't complain about that.
Sleep: horrible. And I am.sure that's not helping me and my pissy attitude
Food Cravings: just crushed ice! Oh and milk duds randomly this week which is so weird bc I don't even like milk duds.
Best Moment this week: making it past the point I did with Sam!
Movement: much less frequent but still pretty often and strong.
Labor signs: actually, I've had some cramping or contractions every day for a week or so. One night they were pretty painful and the next morning my belly seemed much lower so I think baby finally dropped.

Thirty Seven Weeks 2.0

Whewwww! We made it! I've never been more pregnant than I am now!

Besides feeling tired and hot, I actually feel pretty great for the first time this entire pregnancy. Sure, I'm uncomfortable sometimes but mostly I think I can keep hanging in there til baby is ready.

At my 36 week appointment, I was measuring about two weeks behind so I am determined to let this baby cook as long as possible. I don't go back til 38 weeks bc otherwise, everything was looking boring with me! My bp is great, weight is great, no dilation at that point, etc.

On Friday night, I was woken up at like 1 am with painful but irregular contractions. They kept me up a few hours but never became timeable so I basically just told my husband and my mom to be ready in case that was the day. It obviously wasn't but I've been crampy every day since then...they just feel like menstrual cramps but are never regular. I'm pretty sure it's just super early labor! So different from my experience with Sam. 

I'm so grateful for this final burst of energy/feeling good bc our house is cleaned and ready and I've been able to really focus on having fun with Sam again these last few weeks. Now it's jut a waiting game! I'm not sure if this will be an August baby or not!

Symptoms: really nauseous again but otherwise feeling okay! Just hot!
Weight: still hanging in at 157 which is exactly 20 lbs up (and ironically my starting weight when I was pregnant with Sam if you can believe it! )
Sleep: not great. I just can't seem to get comfy, I'm always hot, etc. But I do love my daily naps with Sam! I'm gonna miss those!
Food Cravings: crushed ice is the biggest. I go through like six cups a day! Nothing sounds good to eat...but I do still love blue Gatorade, lemonade and cranberry juice!
Best Moment this week: we had a great BBQ on Sunday for my Mother in law. Sam was so cute playing with his cousins all day AND it was nice to just be social outside in the beautiful weather.
Movement: much less than he was moving but he still gives me some good bumps and rolls here and there. I think he's running out of room!
Labor signs: just cramps...and lots of discharge but I don't know if that counts.

Thirty Six Weeks 2.0

Well here we are...the last hump! I think I'm finally calm. All the baby gear is out and ready. The carseat is installed. Sam is starting to talk about the baby and show me the baby's stuff, like diapers and the bed.

He has dropped all nursing sessions except right at bedtime and nap. And those last about a minute...just long enough for him to drop off to sleep.

The thing I'm feeling most of right now is this odd sense of limbo. I am so ready for this baby to come. In a sense, I feel like it'll be any minute bc Sam came so early. But then I know in my head that it could still be another MONTH. The not knowing is driving me crazy. I feel like a ticking time bomb. I'm nervous to go do anything with Sam bc I'm scared I'll go into hard fast labor suddenly. Obviously I'm not going to hide away but it is crazy not knowing when it's going to be.

My 35 week appointment was eventful for sure! I got an ultrasound to check if little dude was head down. Because of my rib pain last week they were worried. While he was wedged sideways last week, he seems to have turned head down now though his head is floating and still not "engaged". My cervix was high and tightly closed. So it seems he's rather comfy in there. The biggest surprise came with the strep b swab. I was expecting a swab around the general vicinity of vag and bum like I had with Sam...nope, homeboy went ALL in the butt. I nearly jumped off the damn table! Ouch!

The 4th of July (our last big milestone even before baby!) Was nice and simple this year. We just hung out
Bbqed, went to the mall parking lot for fireworks and had a good weekend playing in the pool out back and soaking up summer. I've been miserable and hot but I suppose that's to be expected.

Josh broke my hall mirror (just the frame..no bad luck! ) this week so ita a bathroom selfie again. You can tell baby shifted bc my belly isnt quite so high and straight out as it was last week. I get the funniest looks out in public, like people expect my water to break at any moment. Lol. So i must look pretty huge. I am suddenly a little emotional about my belly and i hold it and check myself out in the mirror all the time. This is the last time i will ever have a baby growing inside me! I feel like my belly is so cute this time i might actually miss it when its gone! I AM ready for my energy, appetite and ability to breathe to come back though! 

Symptoms: insomnia is the biggest right now. Too much racing thoughts to sleep and then when I can I'm awoken by horrendous acid reflux. Rib pain and sore spots in my belly. Irritability and being super emotional! Nausea, headaches, dizziness. Phew!
Weight: I have FINALLY reached the 20 lb mark at 36 weeks. I knew it'd catch up eventually. I've been eating so sparsely that I know the weight is baby and not me!
Sleep: bah. See above.
Food Cravings: watermelon. Lemonade. Gatorade. Crushed ice. That's about it!
Best Moment this week: the 4th! Its my favorite holiday!
Movement: while he hasn't slowed down a lot, the movements are much less kicky and more like wiggling or settling in to get comfy. I also SWEAR I've SEEN and felt baby sucking his thumb or something in there.
Labor signs: actually not much besides random crampy moments

Thirty Five Weeks 2.0

I do believe we are ready for this baby. Ready is a relative term but we have all the stuff we could possibly need.

Little man decided to be a drama baby this week when he got stuck in my ribs! I was literally in tears with excruciating pain in my right ribs. I called the nurses line when it was not any better the next day and I wasn't feeling much movement. They had me come in for some monitoring...luckily my sister could come over to watch Sam bc I had to sit there on the monitor for an HOUR!

Baby wasn't moving much but he was moving enough. The nurse felt around a bit and said she thought he was laying sideways in my ribcage and that it felt like I might have a "displaced" rib! Ah! They did another CBC to check for pre e just in case since I have been having headaches too. I have another appointment on Tuesday, they'll do an ultrasound to check little man out if I'm still having the pain.

Symptoms: well the rib pain, headaches, dizziness, NAUSEA still that is freaking killing me...
Weight: I was surprised to see that I'd gained five lbs this month on the dr scale! That puts me right around 18 total! Not too bad for how bad I've felt!
Sleep: ugg
Food Cravings: just watermelon. And Gatorade. I swear I miss real food and really being hungry and not feeling sick all the time.
Best Moment this week: feeling ready for baby finally!
Movement: not much at all this week bc of his position! Sometimes he seems to wiggle loose but much less than normal
Labor signs: lots of cramping, lots of discharge...

Thirty Four Weeks 2.0

The panic has continued this week. I've also been having nightly bouts of contractions! They feel like weak or dull menstrual cramps. They come every 3-5 minutes for a few hours and then fizzle out. It is crazy. I don't remember this with Sam at all! It kind of makes me believe I was right about my hunch that this little dude won't be long before entering the world.

I bought most of the stuff to assemble my hospital bag and then remembered that I have to pack Sam a bag too! Then I started bawling bc I'm so worried about how my baby is going to react to having to sleep somewhere else, miss his mommy and then come home to a new baby. Ugh. Hot.mess.over here.

In all reality, it's been hitting me lately how much of a big boy Sam is suddenly. He seems to comprehend so much more now (although the concept of baby in mommy's belly is foreign to him still). I know he will do great. I'm just scared of change. He has all but given up nursing except for a few brief seconds before sleep. He has been so sweet and cuddly and I'm trying so hard to just soak it up while he's the only one around.

My heart and nausea have been killing me this week again. Not sure why. But I did get some magnesium supplements from my mom to try. We shall see if it helps. I feel SO uncomfortable and pregnant but I don't feel like I look very big at all . I don't get into the Dr until July but I'll be interested to see how baby is measuring.

Symptoms: nausea, heart pounding all the time and contractions! Also, HOT FLASHES and having to pee allllllllll the time. 

Weight: im up to 152! Baby must have gone through a growth spurt bc i certainly havent been eating much. That puts me at 15! 

Sleep: ugh. I am so exhausted all the time but sleep doesnt come easily. Between the constant need to pee, the insomnia and just generally being uncomfortable , it aint happening. 

Food Cravings: gatorade, lemonade and those ice cream bars with crunchy chocolate shells!

Best Moment this week: Starting to get my hospital bag supplies together. Its getting real!

Movement: Lots and violent! 

Labor signs: yep...well, contractions but i dont know if theyre actually doing anything yet. 

Thirty Three Weeks 2.0

holy.shit.

I know, I know. But really. I'm going to have a baby soon. I'm really starting to panic actually. I feel like a first time mom all over again. This weird, contorting blob in my belly is actually going to be a real person in a few weeks.

Ahhhhhhhhhjhjjhbdbdjdjdbdbdj!

I am just. Stressed. I have no clue how Sam will handle it all. Or how we will. Ultimately I know it will be the greatest thing ever but logistically, I'm legitimately freaking out right now. That's why until now I've just sort of not thought about it at all . O.o

I think the hardest thing for me is not knowing WHEN it will happen. It could be any day or I could have 7 more weeks. For something so life altering, its just crazy to me to NOT.KNOW. I feel like Sam just doesn't at all grasp the concept and I'm really worried about how he will do  with the whole adjustment. He's my baby! I want him to feel totally into it and secure but there's no guaranteed way to make that happen. Ugh. I need to go back to denial land . Its safe there.

 
Symptoms: as you can tell, panic has set in! The reflux, heartburn and restless legs are killing me this week. Insomnia goes along with that. I've also been incredibly nauseous most days again.
Weight: up 11-12 lbs depending on the time of day lol. Have I finally started gaining for good?
Sleep: terrible. I'm so exhausted and end up napping with Sam nearly every day to survive
Food Cravings: Gatorade. It makes me feels better. Nothing else really
Best Moment this week: it's father's day weekend and seeing josh with Sam really gives me faith that our family was meant to expand to four and that it will be great!
Movement: always. This baby is VIOLENT and strong? Holy cow. Late at night, he wakes me up by moving my entire belly.
Labor signs: some random cramping here and there but it always goes away
Gender: boy. Still. ;)
Belly button: Out
What do I miss: sleep. Being hungry. Being able to breathe.
What am I looking forward to: I keep waiting for that perfect name to just jump out at me. ..
Milestones: hmm...first time I peed myself from baby kicking me hard in the bladder? That was charming!

Thirty Two Weeks 2.0

Blah. I'm grumpy this week. Uncomfortable and just so.over being pregnant.

Since cutting back on sugar and drinking more ,I have noticed my heart being a little less crazy this week. Could be coincidence but it's been a nice little change. I have been extra nauseous this week though so I am not sure I love that trade off.

Now that this baby is bigger, I seriously cannot get comfy ever. My ribs ache, I can't breathe, I'm crampy and sore down low and lets not even talk about the pressure in my vag and bum. Ack! 8 more weeks? ! How?

Symptoms: nausea, all those aches and pains i just mentioned. And oddly, lots more trips to the bathroom...and NOT just to pee. its not really that fun. 

Weight: Hanging around 10-11 lbs gained . I think all the bathroom trips are clearing any extra weight out. 

Sleep: Sadly i sleep great if my husband isnt in bed with me. I am such a light sleeper and my pregnant insomnia is so bad that his snoring wakes me up and then i can never get back to sleep. 

Food Cravings: still soft bakery bread and lemonade. That is all i want!

Thirty One Weeks 2.0

Ahhhhh!  We are in the single digits for weeks remaining! I keep freaking myself out by thinking thoughts like, "it's June. Which means we could potentially have a baby NEXT MONTH"...like I said before....ahhhh!

I am still very much in denial about bringing a new baby home. Sam is still nursing. Still sucks at sleep. I am overwhelmed and exhausted. but I guess you just don't think about it, you just do it. It'll feel crazy and impossible at first but then it'll be our new normal.

I still am struggling to feel well every day. If it's not heart related, its my stomach acting up. Bleh.

My Dr did confirm the SVT diagnosis based on the results of my Holter monitor. While I had a pretty tame day when I wore it, it was enough evidence to prove that something was happening. She is torn on whether to treat me with the beta blockers though. She is worried about growth restriction and lung development. I'll see my ob on Tuesday and see what he says.

On Monday of last week, I was standing in my kitchen cooking breakfast (feeling actually fine for once) when with no warning at all, my Vision and hearing completely blacked out. I managed to start making my way to the couch but josh jumped up and helped me right on time. He said I was pale as a ghost. The rest of the day I felt horrible: shaky, woozy, nauseous, weak, and like my heart was hammering all day. It was awful and scary. Usually I get a little warning but this one hit out of no where. It terrifies me to think what could happen if I have an episode like that while driving.

The only advice my Dr could give if we don't do the beta blockers is to cut out caffeine, cut back on sugar and drink twice as much as usual. Bah. Its so frustrating but I just keep telling myself I'm almost done.

Symptoms: night sweats and hot flashes like crazy. Hip, back and crazy rlp unless I'm laying just right to support my belly. Then also the heart problems
Weight: hanging in right around 146-147, so approximately 10 lbs gained
Sleep: horrible. I've now started having to pee like 80 times a night in addition to the reflux and general uncomfortable feeling
Food Cravings: soft, bakery French bread! (I may have only eaten that for most of my meals this week lol) and lemonade! Oh, and crushed ice. I can't stop crunching on it nonstop
Movement: lots and getting stronger and more painful!
Labor signs: nope
Gender:boy
Belly button: out

I'm pretty over the same lame questions. ..nothing too unusual or new going on!

Thirty Weeks 2.0

Blegh.  Its been a rough week for me. For some reason, my nausea is back full force. Sadly, all the milk I consumed last week came back to haunt me in horrifying ways also. Yuck!

All I've really been able to stomach this week has been bland carbs again. Toast, animal crackers, grilled cheese sandwiches when I'm feeling saucy. ;) I've dropped two lbs again so that's not good. Like I said, blegh. I'm trying so hard to keep something in my stomach at all times bc I definitely feel worse on an empty stomach but seriously, two bites and I'm so nauseous I have to stop.

I still haven't heard back about my monitor so I'll be calling on Monday. I continue to have episodes every day, some worse than others. I have bursts of energy that quickly get killed by having to sit down and breathe so as not to pass out. Yay.

I actually bit the bullet and made my first baby purchase! Amazon had our tried and true favorite, the rock n play bassinet, on sale for half off for one day so I ordered it. Score! Its just sitting in the nursery disassembled for now bc I don't want Sam climbing in it all the time. We really shouldn't need much else besides a car seat and stroller.  Hard to believe all the crap we thought we'd need with Sam and this time I'm like, place to sleep? Car seat? Clothes? Boobs? Check!

Symptoms: more nauseous than ever this week. Also, fatigued super easily. Lots of RLP and back pain especially in bed at night!
Weight: back down to 144. Boo.
Sleep: I'm so exhausted all the time that I take a nap with Sam almost every day. I am waking up twice a night to pee now. So that's fun.
Food Cravings: nothing this week. At all. Just whatever will stay in there and not make me want to puke.
Best Moment this week: Reaching thirty weeks feels very surreal!
Movement: like always, a ton! Especially while laying down. I can see tiny hands or feet now quickly flitting around. Also lots of hiccups!
Labor signs: nope
Gender: boy
Belly button: pretty much out at this point.
What do I miss: just not feeling like shit all the time!
What am I looking forward to: getting some news about my dang heart!
Milestones: 30 weeks!

Twenty Nine Weeks 2.0

I had my Holter monitor test this week. It was pretty anticlimactic getting it put on. Basically, they just stuck some electrode pads on me ("sensitive" ones this time since I still have marks that look like burns from the ones in the ER). I was given a sweet beeper sized box to wear on my pants and told to press the button and record what I was doing if I started feeling bad.

I had to wear it for 24 hours and in that amount of time I had 4 episodes. None were horrible but enough to make m feel woozy and my heart pounding. My HR was between 104-120 during them so hopefully that provides enough evidence of the SVT that they put me on the beta blockers. I just want to feel normal again and keep up with Sam without passing out!

I had to drive all the way downtown to turn the monitor in so I was waiting in the parking lot for my 24 hours to be u p. I ripped those electrodes off SO fast! omg I was miserable bc they were so itchy! Despite being the sensitive pads I still apparently am allergic to the glue or something. Nursing Sam was also interesting with them on. he actually did pretty good and didn't try to pull on the wires. He did keep touching them and saying, "doctor?" so cute.

Symptoms: Minus all the heart drama, I actually don't feel too bad this week! Leg cramps and heartburn at night are my main complaints
Weight: up to 145.5-146...which means, I've FINALLY hit the 10 lb mark at 29 weeks! woo!
Sleep: I want it all the time but it's usually not great
Food Cravings: the biggest craving of my pregnancy by FAR, honey nut cheerios and MILK! I am normally not a milk person as it kills my stomach but it doesn't seem to be bothering me. I noticed my milk craving when I would catch myself taking swigs out of Sam's sippy before putting the lid on. haha! he drinks expensive organic whole milk and it is so creamy and sweet!
Best Moment this week: getting that damn heart monitor off.
Movement: so so much. my whole belly wobbles
Labor signs: nope
Gender: boy
Belly button: out
What do I miss: feeling normal and having energy!
What am I looking forward to: hearing the results of my holter and hopefully getting some relief
Milestones: ten lbs gained! that's a milestone for me!

Twenty Eight Weeks 2.0

Thankfully, I haven't had any more heart issues since last week...although a few times I started to feel the warning signs but I was able to ward them off with water and rest.

I cut out caffeine completely since the last episode (even though I wasn't drinking much...maybe a coke a week?) but I swear those worst times were after I drank a coke. I'm not sure if that is what the culprit was but I do feel a bit better!

i had a follow up with my pcp and she seemed legitimately concerned. She ran another EKG on me in office and TONS of bloodwork for literally everything: electrolyes, potassium, thyroid levels and even an accidental lipid test for cholesterol which came back super high. I freaked out at first but then I called and was told it was an accident and that they never test a pregnant woman's cholesterol bc it gets high naturally during pregnancy and nursing. ACK.

Anyway, I was "diagnosed" with SVT: super ventricular tachycardia. Basically my heart is beating too fast.  duh. but we still don't know why. My resting heart rate seems to sit right around 100 which is right on the border of high, she said. I still have to set up my appointment to be fitted for my holter monitor. Things have just been so busy! They're hoping to be able to catch an episode with the monitor but I'm under instructions you're get to the ER ASAP if it happens again so they can see it in action. yay.

This week we also had Sam's two year appointment and mother's day! We actually celebrated on Saturday when the weather was still nice (it's been snowing all day today! boo! ) We took Sam to the Railroad Museum which is just a giant train yard basically. It was a blast and he was in heaven. Holy cow though, all that walking had my belly super hard and tight.

Tomorrow is my 28 week ob appointment and I have to take Sam with me. we shall see how that goes. We've been to the stupid Dr/hospital so much in the last two weeks between him and me that he is so over it. And so am I!

I haven't gained any weight this month and.I feel like my belly is a different shape every day depending what baby is doing in there!

Symptoms: ongoing nausea episodes every day, back psin and leg cramps, heartburn, lots of bh contractions! 

Weight: still hanging right around 143-144 on my home scale. Thats 7-8 lbs overall 

Sleep: meh. 

Food Cravings: this week it was corn on the cob! its not even good corn season yet but i HAD to hsve it. i bought 4 cobs and ate them all by myself this week! oh, and! apple slices with caramel dip! yum! 

Best Moment this week: Mother's day with my boys. :)

Movement: this baby is Nuts! As hes getting bigger his movement hurts more. Giant, belly shaking wobbles, twists, punches and kicks. hes super active at night or whenever im layi down. ive also had these strange fast, vibrations sometimes. i read that its bc the nerves aren't fullt developed so they twitch? It feels so weird

Labor signs: just strong bh sometimes 

Gender: boy! 

Belly button: out, especially when i laugh or cough! 

What do I miss: being able to bend easily or get up off the floor! 

What am I looking forward to: my appointment and maybe getting some baby gear finally 

Milestones: officially in third tri now! 

Twenty Seven Weeks 2.0

Oh hey, look at that! Third trimester! And just like clockwork, I had to visit the ER this week.

I was just hanging outside with Sam when my heart started pounding uncontrollably and I had to lay down inside my back door to stop myself from passing out. My breathing was labored, I was hot, sweaty, shaking and nauseous. I took my pulse and it was around 147 bpm. WAYYY too high! When I still didn't feel better a few minutes after laying down, I went and got Sam inside (almost passed out again in the process), turned on a movie, stripped off all my clothes, got a glass of water and put my feet up. FINALLY, after about two hours I started to feel a bit better. it was awful.

I just figured it was a particularly bad pregnancy day for me so I shot an email to my ob. I got a call from a nurse right when I was coming out of my episode. She seemed concerned that the issue was with my heart and not pregnancy related at all (also taking into account the other times this has happened, my high heart rate throughout the pregnancy, the fact that my blood sugar and iron levels are okay, etc). So, she told me I should head to the ER for some tests and monitoring since the Kaiser facilities aren't equipped for that.

BAHHH. I didn't want to but I was freaked out enough that we headed over and had my mom meet us. Friday night in the ER we knew could take awhile. We ultimately spent 7 hours there while my mom took Sam home and kept him happy and put him to sleep (though not easily, stinker!) They did a full blood panel, gave me a bag of fluids/electrolytes, did an EKG and chest xray and then sent us to labor and delivery to monitor the baby for an hour. PHEW.

After all that, they sent me home with, "we don't really know what's wrong but it's not normal and shouldn't be happening" We do know that I have no blood clots in my heart or lungs. We also know that my bp is super low when. sitting (consistently around 90/50 while I was there) and that my resting heart rate seems to hover around 90 (still high, but not as crazy as when I'm having my episodes). One doctor's theory was that my bp is so low when I'm sitting that when I stand, my heart has to pump crazily fast to catch up. Makes sense, but again, shouldn't be happening. The baby could be putting an extra strain on my heart just by being in there. So now I have a consult with a cardiologist. I'll have to get a 24 hour halter monitor to see if there's any arrhythmia or abnormality they can pick up.

Sigh. Can I just NOT be a super dramatic pregnant lady for once? The good news is baby looks and sounds  perfect, so while his vessel may be busted, he isn't suffering for it. :)

Symptoms: well, passing out obviously! leg cramps, lots of abdominal stretching pains, heartburn all the time from nothing and just generally feeling worn down and exhausted
Weight: still hovering around 142-143 depending on the day.
Sleep: good when my husband and Sam are cooperating. Usually around 2-3 am I wake up to pee and then cannot fall back to sleep bc of my husband's snoring or I can't get comfortable
Food Cravings: I can't think of anything really except nutella out of the jar. haha.  I haven't had much of an appetite this week.
Best Moment this week: this week has been a mess. but I am now in my third tri. home stretch!
Movement: so much. freaky little octopus baby!
Labor signs: nope
Gender: boy
Belly button: still popped
What do I miss: not having dramatic health issues!
What am I looking forward to: meeting with all the new drs that can hopefully give me some damn answers!

Weekly Wisdom: don't throw razor cartridges away where toddlers can reach. I forgot to even add that little tidbit about our week: Sam tried to remove his thumbprint with a razor blade on Thursday. it was a mess that wouldn't stop bleeding. Long story but all is okay now except a disgusting wound that I have to keep clean and dry on a two year old...riiiiight.

Twenty Six Weeks 2.0

Another week down! This is going crazy fast. I think bc we have been so busy the last month or so.

I'm still feeling like ass most of the time. Actually, from wake up until about 2 pm, I feel pretty good. I have energy, a little bit of an appetite and can usually get lots accomplished. But then the afternoon rolls around and the icky starts: the nausea creeps up, the dizziness and exhaustion starts and if I manage t make and eat a little dinner, I basically cry from heartburn the rest of the night. I typically am in bed and sleeping with Sam by 9 pm every day!

I feel like I never really see or spend time with Josh bc I am so tired! He gets home from work, we eat dinner, do bath and play with Sam and then we go to bed. its honestly survival mode at this point. Sam is usually up at 2-3 am for a couple hours being restless and ridiculous so I have to get some good sleep before that. After, I am just not ever able to get comfy and fall back to sleep easily. SIGH.

Anyway, we had Sam's bday party this weekend and it was crazy, chaotic, stressful but super fun. The field behind our street caught fire right as the party started so that created some extra excitement. I was on my feet literally ALL day and by the end of the night I wanted to collapse! My feet, back, hips and vag were all aching. I took a hot bath and fell right asleep.

I really popped this last week. Of course baby being bigger means I'm more uncomfortable though! My lower abdomen pretty much always aches like a period cramp. It is crazy.

Symptoms: Besides all I complained about above you mean? haha.
Weight: I'm up to 143! That means I've gained 7 lbs so far. no turning back now!
Sleep: good til 2-3 am depending on Sam. I'm so exhausted lately I am out once I hit the pillow
Food Cravings: toasted English muffins with peanut butter and super cold cranberry juice. this one has been hanging on for awhile. Also, watermelon!
Best Moment this week: Sam's party! It was a great day and exactly what I wanted for my sweet baby. I can't believe he's going to be TWO already!
Movement: so much. My stomach contorts crazily now as the baby stretches and rolls. It freaks josh out which I find hilarious.
Labor signs: I'm having more and more BH contractions during the day. Nothing too painful, just super tight belly.
Gender: boy
Belly button: basically popped.
What do I miss: feeling comfortable and not sick!
What am I looking forward to: Sam's birthday!
Milestones: I started producing colostrum this week! I can feel let downs sometimes and have clear sticky discharge. I thought it would freak Sam out but so far he hasn't seemed to notice. I'm glad to know the boobies know what they're doing again!

Twenty Five Weeks 2.0

Thankfully after the miserable week I had last week, I've felt much better this week so far. We had a busy but fun Easter and now I have this week to get Sam's party pulled together!

The weather has been beautiful and it improves my mood greatly. Sam and I spend most of our time outside and I LOVE IT!

In really exciting news, baby P2 seriously popped this week.  Not just up from my pelvis but straight out! I finally have the cute beach ball belly I've been waiting for! I can't believe next month I'll already be in my 7th month! We had better start prepping for baby!

Symptoms: Much more pressure in the vag area than before. I think baby is head down. Some rib pain. Reflux, headaches, tiredness. good stuff!
Weight: 142! we obviously had a growth spurt!
Sleep: meh. When Sam sleeps better, so do I. I've still been so tired I usually lay down and nap with him every day!
Food Cravings: Nothing I can think of except super cold water and cranberry juice still.
Best Moment this week: Easter festivities with my sweet family. Sam loved running around hunting eggs.
Movement: Not as frantic and constant as it was but still lots of movements and harder jerkier ones.
Labor signs: no although my belly tightens up pretty regularly if I'm running around.
Gender: boy!
Belly button: definitely popped most of the time!
What do I miss: being able to go,go,go without tons of hip and back pain.
What am I looking forward to: Sam's party!
Milestones: been getting lots of stranger comments lately. I'm definitely to that unmistakable stage.
Weekly Wisdom: Always tell a pregnant lady she looks little still. Best thing ever. some of Josh's relatives said they were expecting me to be much bigger by now. lol

Well, this sucks.

I am sitting up in bed at 12:27 am, despite being absolutely exhausted bc this pregnancy is kicking my ass.

I have been pretty badly nauseous since about Sunday. Like, the taking me on a trip down first tri memory lane kind of debilitating nausea. Then I chalked it up to nerves/anxiety about my glucose test the next day.

I was so proud of myself for going to that appointment, drinking that nasty drink, fighting the very strong urge to vomit and coming out unscathed. The thing is, even after it was over, I've continued to feel terrible. Lump in my throat, constant gaggy feeling, having to force myself to eat, gingerly sipping ice water and sucking on sour candy just to try to feel better for a few minutes. :(

I thought for a bit that I was coming down with something just bc the nausea is so intense when for weeks now, it has been present but liveable.

Well, it is now Wednesday night. Sam and I had a busy day driving 3 hours round trip to the springs for a zoo play date where we basically hiked up a mountain/walked five miles. I was EXHAUSTED when we got home. Poor Sam got to color and read books while I just sat on the couch in a zombie state.

Again, I'd been so nauseous all day. I'm sure I haven't eaten nearly enough in the last few days (which may be making the situation worse actually). I fought it though, despite the drive almost sending me over the edge a few times. We had fun but I felt awful by the time we got home. I drank a few sips of coke to see if that would help. it didn't. I ate an English muffin which didn't seem to help, though it stayed down. Josh came home, made himself dinner and I snacked on a small bowl of dry cereal...

And now I'm sitting here, straight up in bed bc I have burning acid creeping up my throat if I lay down. My belly is feeling tender and sore all over. My back and hips are aching. I should try some tums but I don't want to make myself puke.Baby is angrily thumping away which isn't helping the general uncomfortable feeling I'm having. And throughout all that, I keep having waves of gaggy nausea. I can't tell if the reflux is making me feel that way probs vice versa. I wish I could just go to sleep.

Sam and josh are cuddled up together, which is adorable. I know soon Sam will be stirring and wanting to nurse. I survived the a stomach bug/food poisoning once so far as a mother but never while pregnant so I'm fervently praying that is not what it is. it doesn't really feel like that...and it's lasted days. you'd think I would've gotten sick by now if I were going to.

bah. This is completely pathetic and whiny I know. I thought maybe writing it.out would help. so far, not so much.

Twenty Four Weeks 2.0

Phew! We made it to viability! I saw a news story the other day about a baby born at 24 weeks and it just astounded me what a little tiny miracle she was. Although she was tiny, she was still a perfect little baby. I am still having trouble grasping that something that size is in my belly right now!

Something interesting happened to me this week: I felt baby flip. Up til now I'm pretty sure he was transverse like Sam always was, with his head in my right hip. That is partially why I think my belly looked so low. Well, after a really trying day of tummy troubles, the poor baby was ANGRY! I guess he was sick of being squeezed and listening to crazy tummy noises. He was giving giant, painful kicks and pushes and then. ..boom, I felt a super painful twist and almost instant relief of pressure near my cervix and instant onset of pressure near my ribs. Since then, all the baby movements have been at my belly button or higher which leads me to believe his head is down. We will see tomorrow at my appointment!

Sam never stayed head down for long bc I don't have much room! I am having so much rib and back pain that I never felt with Sam now.  Poor baby is probably squished in there! Anyway, my belly looks and feels much higher!

Symptoms: The usuals plus rib and back pain this week.  Lots of dizziness this week too.
Weight: 140 for better or for worse. That's a barrier I wasn't looking forward to breaking but here we are. That puts me up 4 total. We will see what the Dr says about that tomorrow
Sleep: Horrible as usual. I'm exhausted and have been taking naps with Sam every day.
Food Cravings: nothing really new this week . Still loving buttered English muffins and super tart cranberry juice.
Best Moment this week: baby flipping! It brought new aches and pains but it was so cool to watch!
Movement: lots. But now everything is much higher than before.
Labor signs: nope though I do get a few BH contractions every day.
Gender: boy!
Belly button: sometimes flat, sometimes popped.
What do I miss: being able to sleep comfortably
What am I looking forward to: tomorrow's appointment! (Though not the glucose test part. ugh. I wouldn't be at all surprised if I failed...considering how scrappy sugar has made me feel)
Milestones: baby flipping, viability reached!
Weekly Wisdom: don't fight stubbornly against maternity underwear. Those things are a godsend. SO MUCH COMFIER

Twenty Three Weeks 2.0

Another week down! And one week closer to viability. I've been really nervous lately bc I am so crampy a lot of the time. This baby is so far sitting pretty low compared to Sam so I just think my body (which was already weakened from my pregnancy with Sam) is just not as equipped to do this again without complaining.

The other concern I've had is the BH contractions I'm already getting. Especially after running after Sam or walking around a lot. Nothing painful, just that uncomfortable super hard and tight tummy feeling. They go away when I sit and rest but wow, I feel like this is early for those to start!

I'm also experiencing my very least favorite part of pregnancy again: people and their unfiltered comments about my body. The general consensus is that I look "huge already", that "this baby is super low" and that "if I'm this big at ONLY 23 weeks, imagine how huge I'll be at the end" EYEROLL. I am trying not to take it too personally. Sure my belly looks lower but I think it might have to do with the fact that I'm 25 lbs lighter this time than I was with Sam so I just looked more popped up top with him at this point. I've only gained 3 lbs so I'm not really tripping about that huge thing. Again, I'm skinnier this time so I think the belly looks bigger in relation to the rest of me. Sigh.

Symptoms: The usual. nausea, exhaustion, feeling faint especially after sugar, heartburn and reflux, back pain, sciatic pain, cramps and bh contractions.
Weight: 139 ish depending on the day.
Sleep: meh, the obstacle this week has been reflux. and Sam. as usual.
Food Cravings: cranberry juice all day every day! Also buttered, toasted English muffins
Best Moment this week: I was trying to make Josh feel this fish of a baby and right as I put his hand on my belly, baby jabbed a knee or elbow out. Josh FREAKED out! I was laughing so hard. He said it was just like an alien in there.
Movement: tons. see above.
Labor signs: nope.
Gender: boy!
Belly button: pretty flat
What do I miss: people not judging my body...or at least not out loud.
What am I looking forward to: next weeks appointment just to talk some things through. I really am NOT looking forward to the glucose test though
Milestones: josh feeling baby, bh contractions starting

Twenty Two Weeks 2.0

I am officially in the mid pregnancy funk. You know...where I feel like I've been pregnant forever but I'm also totally freaking out? That one.

I'm completely exhausted. This pregnancy is so much harder than Sam's and he hasn't been anything less than a handful either. I don't know what I'm going to do with him. It is typical for us to be up 2-3 times a night and usually he takes a couple hours to settle back down in the wee morning hours. I cannot even imagine trying to deal with that and the newborn wake ups.

We did go put together a small registry this weekend and it was fun to look at all the baby gear again. One thing I am completely clueless about is bottles. Its funny to have a two year old but still be such a clueless mom in that arena. I stood in the bottle aisle for a good twenty minutes just walking back and forth shaking my head in disbelief. It seems so hard compared to just popping out a boob!

I had to promise josh that beginning at six weeks, I'd be pumping and we would do bottles at least some of the time so that he could help me in a way that he couldnt with Sam. so I just picked one at random and scanned away. Overwhelming!

Symptoms: Still having daily nausea attacks, though not until the evening usually. They can be brutal though. Some back pain. heartburn. And Braxton Hicks contractions especially while out running around. I also noticed that my hands and feet get super puffy and hot if I am walking around and it's warm out. Should make this summertime pregnancy super fun! :/
Weight: 138.8 this week. moving on up. my favorite part. boo. (Although baby is almost a foot long and a lb by now so it's not me, it's baby! )
Sleep: ...
Food Cravings: rice Krispie treats and cranberry juice!
Best Moment this week: making choices for the new baby at the store.
Movement: so so much. Always down low still
Labor signs: Nope
Gender: boy!
Belly button: getting flatter by the day. I think I might pop this time
What do I miss: frozen margaritas and sleeping on my back without getting ridiculously dizzy
What am I looking forward to: next appointment on 4/14 so we can discuss our anatomy scan finally

Twenty One Weeks 2.0

I feel like this has been a rough week. Sam has been getting his last two molars and has been acting nuts: clingy, whiny, sleeping and eating poorly, etc. I'm exhausted from just dealing with him but I've also not been feeling well at all. I don't know if I'm getting sick or if it's just a weird pregnancy thing but the nausea has been out of control this week again.  I actually ran to the bathroom thinking I was going to throw up a few times but nothing happened. Bleh.

You can see it in my picture this week...just pure exhaustion and crummy feeling. I feel like I look pale, sick and gross. My belly feels huge but doesn't look as big as it feels...I do feel like I'm carrying lower this time for sure.

Possibly related to not feeling well and not sleeping well but I've also been insanely emotional this week. Josh and I have had some disagreements lately (mostly about parenting Sam) and I've just been a bawling mess.

I don't think it's fully sunken in yet that we are having another boy! Maybe I'm just smarter this time bc with Sam I wanted to buy EVERYTHING and this time, I haven't gotten the bug yet.

I did go through Sam's tiny clothes and picked out what we can use again. I actually didn't keep much besides my favorites as I thought we were done after him! Some of the stuff is off limits just bc it is so SAM to me and I'd like to keep that stuff as just his (like all the tiny elephant clothes since he was our "peanut"). I think it's a good thing to let them each have their own identity though. I almost cried looking at how tiny they were...it feels like YESTERDAY we were bringing Sam home and now, here we are two years later about to do it all again! Parenting may be hard but damn does it go quickly.

Symptoms: more nausea, dry heaves (super fun!), heart pounding, shakiness and dizziness if I eat lots of sugar which is weird.
Weight: 137.5...possibly now we will start going up and up. I'm not entirely ready to see the scale rise but it's for the baby
Sleep:. ..ugg
Food Cravings: not much this week. cranberry limeades from sonic which usually end up making me feel super icky
Best Moment this week: Going through Sam's old stuff was bittersweet
Movement: so much. sometimes I wonder if the random waves of nausea are from the baby hitting me awkwardly in the stomach and flipping around like a fish in there.
Labor signs: nope
Gender: BOY!
Belly button: pretty flat and popped on top. it pops out when I cough or laugh. :p
What do I miss: not feeling like I'm going to heave 24/7
What am I looking forward to: maybe getting out there and making some new baby purchases. decorating a nursery
Milestones: Over the 1/2 way point! I can definitely see kicks from the outside now

Oh, Boy, Oh, BOYYYYY!

My mom came over early on Monday to stay with Sam while Josh and I headed out for our big ultrasound appointment. I was so ridiculously nervous about the unknown! I even took a zofran bc I felt so sick from stress.

We were called back almost immediately and led back to a room where I laid Down on the table.  There was a small screen across the room so we could watch baby. Of course, I didn't wear my contacts so I couldn't see very much detail. Oops! Our tech was nice and said she would give us a guess if she was pretty sure about the sex but reminded us that it wasn't 100% We told her we were very interested to know!

We got started right away and she pretty much explained what she was doing as she was measuring away. This normally bouncing baby was snoozing and curled into a literal ball in my right hip. The very first thing we saw was a butt, legs and the evidence! She circled it on the screen and asked if we could tell. I couldn't see that far so josh walked over and looked for awhile...he said, "it doesn't LOOK like a pee pee..." and for an instant, my mind raced over to little girl thoughts. But then the tech said, "it is! That's definitely a penis! " and she zoomed in so we could really see.

ANOTHER BOY! I actually squealed and clapped. I so deeply wanted a brother for Sam.  Josh seemed bemused through the rest of the ultrasound. I think he really thought it was a girl. By the time we walked out, the truth had set in and he was talking about his "sons" and all they would do. ::heart melt::

The ultrasound took awhile because the baby had his head buried into my back. I was flipped all over trying to get him to move so we could see his face and get his measurements. She didn't tell us anything about how he looked but I should be able to find out at my next appointment. His heart rate was a strong 168 bpm. She had me cough a bit to try to move him and he flailed so cutely but then snuggled back down. Guess the zofran made him sleepy!

My plan was to go to a party store and buy a blue balloon for Sam to open so I could video it and break the news that way. Well, we couldn't find a party store! (they all closed apparently) We were supposed to meet my mom and Sam for lunch so we were crunched for time. We ran into Wal-Mart to try and throw something together...and failed...repeatedly. I threw this biggest emotional pregnancy tantrum ever and Josh stepped up to bat for me and made my vision happen. We got the VIP treatment and Wal-Mart used their secret helium to blow a balloon up for me. ;) I'm sure he won't let me live that down anytime soon

Finally we were seated at the restaurant and Sam opened his balloon. Of course he didn't get the significance but he loved the balloon. My mom was so surprised and I got a great video.

We are so excited to finally get planning for this new little life that will be joining us soon.  I hope Sam and this baby will be best buds. Now, we will probably never have a name for him as Samuel was the only boy name we could ever agree on.

Here's some pics from the day!

Twenty Weeks 2.0

I have two simultaneous thoughts this week:

1. I'M HALFWAY DONE ALREADY? !?!
2. I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN PREGNANT FOREVER!

in reality, most of this pregnancy has just flown by with me being in complete denial that I'm actually going to be bringing another child into this world. I've felt so crappy that that's sort of been the focus moreso than actually realizing there's another little life growing inside of me.

That thought makes me all the more terrified and exhilarated for our appointment tomorrow. Finding out the sex of this baby will, for once and for all, solidify the truth that there will be a tiny BOY or a GIRL joining us in just a few short months.

I was thinking today how different this pregnancy is than Sam's was. With Sam, I KNEW he was a boy...wholeheartedly the entire time. Josh and I had lists of baby gear, clothes, hospital tours, car seat recs and baby names way before week 20. And this time, I haven't committed to anything yet bc I have np CLUE if this baby is a boy or a girl. I have boy hunches but no strong strong feeling. We haven't even discussed one name bc it stresses me out and there's no sense stressing until I know. Its just so funny how different the experience has been. I don't have time or energy to stress about every little thing the way I did with Sam. I basically know we need a new car seat, a place for the baby to sleep and some new clothes. the rest will be just a repeat of what I learned with Sam. 

Symptoms: heartburn, indigestion, still lots of feeling faint and near blackout episodes, the nausea has not abated yet but my appetite does come back randomly. Really not fun this week is excruciating sciatic nerve pain from my right butt cheek all the way down my leg and really giving me shocks of pain on the right side of my shin and ankle! owie!
Weight: 136 .back to my starting weight!
Sleep: Sam has slept better this week and so therefore I have too, thank goodness.
Food Cravings: ...not a whole lot sounds good except drinks. Cranberry limeade from sonic, specifically.
Best Moment this week: Josh FINALLY committed to quitting smoking for good which is huge. Obviously, I'll have another best moment here very soon!
Movement: oh my gosh, SO MUCH! this baby truly never stops thumping and flipping around. ever.
Labor signs: nope.
Gender: one more day!
Belly button: pretty popped out on top
What do I miss: just feeling normal and not sick and achy.
What am I looking forward to: anatomy scan tomorrow!
Milestones: halfway (or more) there!

Nineteen Weeks 2.0

It's been a rough week here. Sam has been super fussy though I haven't been able to figure out why. I think its his last two teeth. Hmph.  Pregnant me is not as patient as I'd like so all the constant whining and crying is really wearing me down.

This baby has now been dubbed, "Bean" by Josh. We called Sam Peanut so I guess it fits. Bean moves CONSTANTLY. I don't think there is ever a time when he/she is completely still. Its so different from Sam (who I thought moved a lot! ) Maybe I just feel like it's odd bc I'm only 19 weeks and it is so.much.thumping, wiggling, rolling, etc. I can see the thumps from the outside too!

I am feeling so very impatient for ny anatomy scan on Monday! I feel like time is dragging on!

My stomach has been much better this week, I've really been trying not to let stress rule my mind so much. I've actually had a little upswing in appetite too, though usually I feel miserably full and nauseated after eating anything besides a bland carb.

I feel like I still don't look super pregnant unless I'm sitting down. Then my short torso gets all squished out. I know I felt way bigger with Sam at this point (not counting the 30 lbs I had then that I don't have now)

Symptoms: Lots of hot flashes, dizzy/blackout spells, the urge to crack all my joints constantly, IRRITABILITY, headaches (especially around my eyes...I feel like my vision is way worse) , tightening and soreness in my belly, heartburn, reflux and the usual nausea. fun times!
Weight: 135 this week. finally creeping back up!
Sleep: okay except Sam is being crazy.
Food Cravings: this week I wanted seafood and nothing would be right until I had some. Shrimp cocktail, salmon, garlicky lemony shrimp. We had all those on Sunday and it was magical
Best Moment this week: being hungry and actually EATING a meal!
Movement: SO MUCH.
Labor signs: nope
Gender: one more Weeeeeeek
Belly button: out on top
What do I miss: energy. adult beverages. it's funny, I'm not really a drinker but when I'm pregnant, I WANT margaritas, champagne mixed drinks, etc
What am I looking forward to: anatomy scan!
Milestones: almost halfway there! actually more than half if I only stay pregnant for 37 weeks like I did with Sam.

Eighteen Weeks 2.0

Ugh. This pregnancy is really messing with my IBS and anxiety. NOT a good mix. I either am severely constipated or having diarrhea. There is no middle ground. I've also been having days where I feel like I have to go but am passing nothing but mucus. yuck. It doesn't help me want to eat anything that's for sure.

At this point, I have major anxiety about leaving the house bc I never know what my stomach is going to do. The thought of having to run to a bathroom in public with a toddler gives me panic attacks. The anxiety doesn't help the stomach issues either. Its an obviously vicious cycle.

We also had kind of a dramatic week when I had to take Sam to the Dr bc he was holding his crotch and crying and saying, "hurt! " He ended up needing a catheter inserted to get a urine sample. I wanted to cry! Having to hold him down was so sad for me but he was brave and got through it and definitely peed allllllllll over the nurse for good measure. ;) All is well now.

I've definitely started to get more emotional lately. I took Sam to see his first movie in theaters on Thursday (after having to talk myself up for about three days) . We saw Frozen and I literally cried the entire movie. Just the first bars of music were enough to set me off. Oh man. The good news is Sam had fun and was so good. We had the whole theater to ourselves and he sat and munched popcorn, nursed and cuddled in my lap and walked around a little but overall he was very enthralled by the movie.

Symptoms: zits! digestive distress. dizziness and blackout episodes when I stand up.
Weight: Still at 133ish. I am really struggling to want to eat anything bc it all comes out in a not pleasant way.
Sleep: Meh. I really need to sleep off my back as I get so dizzy and loopy if I do. My belly is also feeling heavy and pulling when I lay on my sides so I basically can't get comfortable already
Food Cravings: Bleh. Basically just liking string cheese and blue Gatorade and kool aid lately.
Best Moment this week: Besides my movie with Sam, he lifted my shirt up and kissed my belly and rubbed it and said, "baby! " so.cute!
Movement: Not as active as last week but definitely feeling thumps pretty regularly, usually to the right and below my belly button . Especially when I have a full bladder!
Labor signs: nope
Gender: two more weeks! I want to know NOWWWW!
Belly button: out on top most the time.
What do I miss: Feeling like I can go about my daily life without having bathroom issues.
What am I looking forward to: Next appointment and finding out boy or girl!

Seventeen Weeks 2.0

Holy.Cow. I feel PREGNANT this week. I think I've been living mostly in denial and misery nausea land bc until now I keep forgetting I'm pregnant. NOT ANYMORE!

I think we are finally on the mend from the plague that hit us for most of the month of February. I truly was starting to lose my mind from being so ill and cooped up so thank the Lord for that.

The weather has been sunny (but windy! )and we have been spending every waking moment outside. Sam loves it and throws the biggest fit every day when I make him come inside.

I had my 16 week appointment on Tuesday and it was mostly uneventful. Dr. Bunjer (the np) found baby's heartbeat with the doppler and, as always, that was a sweet and wonderful sound. Baby's heart rate was 155 bpm which is right where Sam's always was so my boy vibes got a little boost. My blood pressure was a great 109/70 but my heart rate was fast again...117 this time which I am pretty sure is just odd for me. When I mentioned it, Dr. said it wasn't anything to worry about necessarily unless I was feeling faint or heart pounding all the time. I have felt both of those things at least weekly so I am supposed to keep a log of my resting heart rate three times a day until my next appointment.

Other than that, everything looked fine. I went ahead and got the quad screen done to test for genetic and neural tube abnormalities. The outcome wouldn't change anything for me except I'd feel more prepared to deal with the possibility of having a special needs child. I am a planner. I should have results by now but the Dr said no news is good news so I'm hoping we are in the clear there. I do truly love Kaiser for one reason only: they have specially trained phlebotomists in a lab just to draw your blood. I got poked and bruised and abused so many times last pregnancy and so far this time, both sticks I've had were successful (and gentle) on the first try and they don't complain about my veins. AMAZING!

I am supposed to drink a protein shake every day to try to get my weight up. I'm so thin that the Dr could tell me exactly what was the baby's head and butt through my belly. so cool! She also said she could feel baby moving around even though I couldn't at that point. ..but just a few days later and WHOAAA baby movement!

Symptoms: the motherload this week! Heartburn, horrible hip and leg pain, fullness after just a few bites of food, my insides feel pushed around already!, crazy sense of smell, ITCHY BOOBS (no real milk there anymore though I can get a drop if I squeeze)  and some lower abdominal aches and pains I need a heating pad! Most fun of all is the blacking out in public places. it's happened four times now where I either had to quickly bail into fresh air or literally sit on the floor of whatever store lm in until it passes. :(
Weight: 133 this week so thankfully already up a little from hell week.
Sleep: ugh. insomnia has struck big time. Sam is also being ridiculous this week. zzzz
Food Cravings: really nothing but I do have a little appetite back. I'm still loving blue Gatorade and salty French fries.
Best Moment this week: hearing my sweet baby's heartbeat galloping away and...
Movement: yes! I went from random flutters to full on stomach dropping flips. it feels like I'm on a roller coaster sometimes. so strange! I can feel baby from the outside too when I'm laying down.
Labor signs: nope
Gender: three more weeks til we find out!
Belly button: getting flatter
What do I miss: being able to button ny pants! it's finally time to suck it up and go buy some maternity pants
What am I looking forward to: our anatomy scan. scheduled for st. Patrick's day! that's significant bc Sam is my little lucky charm baby. It seems so special to me.
Milestones: Feeling my first baby flips from the inside and out!

Sixteen Weeks 2.0

After recovering from our awful flu bug, we all were lucky enough to then be immediately stricken with a devil stomach virus from hell! What kind of luck is that?! I've been feeling very sorry for myself this week.

It all started on last Friday when Sam suddenly started screaming and acting inconsolable. He then vomited all over me and seemed back to his happy self. Pregnant me had to try hard not to vomit myself. At the time, I thought it was mucus related. But on Monday, I started having diarrhea. ..and that didn't stop until Friday! I was miserable and so over not being able to go anywhere for fear of when my bowels would betray me. Right when  I was starting to feel better, we had another terrifying and horrific vomit incident with Sam on Friday night.

Josh and I spent our Valentine's Day being soaked in and mopping up what seemed like gallons of puke. it was so very romantic. Sam slept through the night and woke up perfectly fine so God help us, I THINK it is FINALLY over. PLEASE, please be over.

I actually forgot I was pregnant the last week bc I was so distracted by all the suckage going on around me.  I am so ready for spring a n d to just throw the windows open and air out this sick house. I'm cooped up, grumpy and SO OVER the constant illness. I guess that's life with a kid?

Symptoms: Besides the awful stomach bug symptoms I really haven't noticed anything new this week.
Weight: I'm all the way down to 131. :( I couldn't hold any nutrients IN for a week and still my aversions are going strong. I know this will be an issue at my appointment on Tuesday.
Sleep: We have slept the week away. I've actually slept better this week than in a long time bc Sam had been sleeping well due to being sick. go figure.
Food Cravings: blah. the only thing I could tolerate this week was rotisserie chicken breast and baked potatoes. both with lots of salt (my electrolytes are obviously off) oh and Blue Gatorade
Best Moment this week: I got nothing.
Movement: Embarrassing enough, I only really feel baby after sexy time. Sorry for disturbing you in there, baby!
Labor signs: nope
Gender: Four more weeks til we find out!
Belly button: Back in now that I've lost do much weight
What do I miss: feeling healthy. not worrying whether any of us are going.to relapse
What am I looking forward to: My appointment on Tuesday
Milestones: uh...first stomach virus with Sam. I could've skipped that one. I swear I still smell puke.
Weekly Wisdom: Don't breathe deeply when holding your vomiting child. Stay calm. Don't give in to the gag reflex. blahhh.  next week will be better, right? !

Fifteen Weeks 2.0

Well, this has been the week from hell. Josh was kind enough to share his illness with Sam and I. We have basically been worthless, sad bums all week. Now that we are finally starting to emerge from the depths of misery, I'm almost positive that it was the flu. It lasts a good week and a half: fever, sore throat, exhaustion, cough, horrendous headache, tons of drainage and it ends with a few days of sneezing nonstop and nose running like a faucet.

The worst part for me has been not being able to take anything that really helps. I haven't event able to shake the horrible sinus headache for days and Tylenol just doesn't touch it.

We reached a super awesome milestone last night.  Sam threw up on me for the first time. Let me just say, I'm not great with puke in general but when it's your own baby, you just want to make sure they're okay. I didn't even care until the smell hit me. Then the pregnancy gag reflex tried to betray me. Poor baby. I think all his drainage upset his tummy and made him choke bc he just threw up all snot and thankfully not the dinner he'd eaten earlier. :p

Its funny how this time, I have no time or energy to stress about every little pregnancy thing. I don't even know what "fruit" baby is this week! gasp!

Our weaning journey came to an abrupt end with this illness. Meh. We will figure it out eventually.

Symptoms: Besides the flu symptoms this week, I've really only noticed some heartburn and an increasing urge to pee every five seconds.
Weight: Hanging in at 135. Sigh.
Sleep: Well this week, pure exhaustion has won out for all of us. Sam and I have slept many days away.
Food Cravings: Buttered toast and orange juice. That's all I want.
Best Moment this week: uhh...
Movement: I got some definite flutters and wiggles the other night but nothing regular yet.
Labor signs: no
Gender: ?
Belly button: starting to poke out at the top a little
What do I miss: cold medicine!
What am I looking forward to: next weeks appointment. feeling better!
Milestones: um, being puked on? oh wait. that doesn't count. Nothing really new this week
Weekly Wisdom: don't just swig benadryl from the bottle unless you want to be dead to the world. lol. Josh wasn't very pleased with me

Fourteen Weeks 2.0

I have FINALLY been feeling much better. There are daily bouts of nausea and not much appetite still but I feel like a new woman.

I actually stopped taking my Zofran daily in hopes of moving things along digestively speaking and though the nausea hits, it has been bearable with some deep breathing and sips of cold water.

Unfortunately, Josh brought home a cold this week so we've all been grumpy with sore throats and headaches. The worst part for me is the drainage and scratchy throat.  Blah. Hopefully it vacates the premises soon.

We have made big progress on the weaning front. Sam was down to just before naps and at bedtime which I was willing to sustain for awhile. Then suddenly, he decided he had to be attached to my boob all night. Pregnancy irritability plus the grating feeling of constant sucking on an already sore nipple pushed me off the deep end. Quite abruptly the other night, I got fed up and cut him off. Four hours of screaming later, he was sleeping.  I determined to wean him quickly for my sanity and he's responded better than I imagined.  He drank lots of milk from a sippy yesterday and ended up sleeping through the night last night! I almost died of shock.

I cried for HOURS yesterday over the thought of weaning Sam.  Its all a healthy part of growing up. Its been 21 beautiful months of bonding with my baby and giving him the best possible nutrition. I needed to take a step back and realize I was just being a martyr for the cause and no longer enjoying it and it was just no longer WORKING for us at night. It's time for both of us to let go of nursing as a crutch. So I will continue not offering during the day, refusing to nurse him during the night and working with him in getting to sleep without nursing and hopefully we will be done easily and happily soon.

Symptoms: nausea, back pain, random RLP and heartburn!
Weight: 135. I wonder if I'll ever gain any weight!
Sleep: Hopefully much better soon as we wean Sam
Food Cravings: not really feeling much of anything this week except buttered toast. I thought muddy buddies sounded good one day so I made them and was immediately disgusted by them. Sam and Josh were happy to take over for me.
Best Moment this week: Sam sleeping through the night for the first time since he was like two months old! Too bad I kept waking up to check on him!
Movement: I really haven't felt much from this baby for a few weeks. every now and then I'll think I feel something but not often. I hate this stage of pregnancy where you don't know if baby is okay in there without the big kicks and thumps!
Labor signs: nope
Gender: no idea yet
Belly button: the top of my belly button sticks out a little now
What do I miss: being able to have a glass of wine or margarita.
What am I looking forward to: Our next appointment in two weeks. I want to make sure everything looks good still!
Milestones: Getting closer to weaning, first maternity pants bought!
Weekly Wisdom: if it sounds good, eat it. who knows when you'll want to eat something again.

Thirteen Weeks 2.0

Just like that, the first trimester is over! I am still feeling pretty nauseated and gaggy most days but the boost in my energy has been incredible! I feel like catching up for lost time so most mornings I'm waiting for Sam to wake up so we can go,go,go! The weather has been so nice and sunny too which may be contributing to my funk coming to an end.

Our 12 week appointment on Tuesday was great! I went alone while Josh was on Sam duty. I'm a little bummed he missed the ultrasound as this baby was bouncing all over like a ping pong ball! Everything looked perfect, baby had a heart rate of 180! That's way higher than Sam's ever was so I'm getting creeping vibes that this might indeed be a little girl in there.

I have been trying to wean Sam down to three times a day for nursing. I know there's not much milk there as he's suddenly become a voracious eater and he frequently asks for sippies of milk (unheard of before now) . it makes me glad to know that obviously until now, my body was providing all he needed! Its amazing what we were designed to do. I am truly ready to wean. I would like some recovery time before starting over. I just want to end it on the sweet note that it's been for us all along. I don't want Sam to feel jealousy or sadness that I'm giving someone else his source of comfort.

i have been having some ridiculously scary and MESSED up dreams. Which really sucks bc when im actually sleeping, i wake up in a panic bc of these crazy dreams. My nost recent one involved spiders being implanted into my skin as punishment for catching a government protected fish. ..uhhh...Wtf? 

Symptoms: evening nausea and gagging, headaches, CRANKINESS. Annnd the ever so lovely constipation and hemi problem.
Weight: hanging in at 135.5
Sleep: worse than ever. insomnia, pee breaks, Sam sleeping like shit. fun.
Food Cravings: cherry and lemon sour twizzlers !
Best Moment this week: getting to see our little jellybean
Movement: I haven't felt much in a week or so but I do get random, "omg I'm gonna pee my pants" moments where the baby is either bouncing or resting on my bladder
Labor signs: nope
Gender: I'm maybe swinging towards girl bc I'm breaking out, cranky and I've been so sick. plus the heart rate
Belly button: in for now
What do I miss: margaritas to take the edge off my moodiness. (that makes me sound like an alcoholic)
What am I looking forward to: more energy
Milestones: end of first tri!

Twelve Weeks 2.0

Uggggghhhhh. I did it again. I jinxed myself. Right when I thought I was beginning to feel better...NOPE...pregnancy said, "haha just kidding! " and knocked me back on my ass.

Its a different kind of misery and more sporadic. I am still unsure whether it's worse than before or just equally sucky. For the past three nights, i was convinced i was coming down with a stomach bug. Hot flashes, intense waves of nausea that had me running to the bathroom and dry heaving but not being able to actually puke...followed by the miserable whole body trembles and shakes. ugg.  I always feel much better the next morning so im really not sure whats going on. If i was actually sick, something wouldve happened by now...right? !?!

In less whiny news, Sam has been adorable and hilarious this week. Toddlerhood has it's downfalls for sure but I am just so smitten with this little PERSON that my baby has become. It goes so fast. I am trying to unplug and really drink in my time with him. Our time together is limited before someone new comes along and I want to cherish my only baby for right now as much as I can.

I am feeling extremely emotional lately and also very noticeably pregnant. I'm so ready for our secret to be OUT!

Symptoms: new this week are hot flashes, dizziness, headaches and lower back pain. Also, feeling hungry then having to stop eating bc I start feeling immediately like I'm going to vom. fun!
Weight: back down to 134.5-135.5 this week. its been a rough one.
Sleep: I hate this question. shitty. thanks for reminding me.
Food Cravings: I had my first REAL, "I have to go get this right now or I'll die" craving two days in a row this week. del taco bean and cheese burrito with green chile sauce. amazing.
Best Moment this week: Probably fulfilling my first craving for REAL food that isn't bland and starchy.
Movement: I swear I'm still feeling sporadic little hums and buzzes
Labor signs: nope
What do I miss: Feeling normal. buttoning my pants.
What am I looking forward to: our appointment on Tuesday and buying some maternity pants. my belly is so out there that the only comfy thing I own are leggings!
Milestones: first craving
Weekly Wisdom: Try t eat even if you feel awful. it'll only get worse if you don't.